Friday, May 24, 2024

RICK’S REAL/REEL LIFE: Soapy Showbiz Enjoyable: ‘Hollywood Wives’ 1985



Jackie Collins’ “Hollywood Wives” was a mini-series hit for ABC in 1985.

was Jackie Collins’ hottest novel, of the various that she
churned out for many years. With Dynasty
then driving excessive on TV with Jackie’s sister Joan, producer Aaron Spelling
snapped up the bestseller for a 1985 ABC mini-series. Just like the ebook, Wives acquired unhealthy evaluations however was a giant
scores hit.

I recall studying an interview
with Jackie Collins, claiming that her showbiz tales had been extra genuine
as a result of she was a part of the Hollywood scene, versus outsider writers
trying in. Perhaps, however Jackie’s books had been nonetheless one-dimensional, with little
credibility. I really like an excellent trashy learn concerning the wealthy and well-known and Jackie
Susann’s Valley of the Dolls set the
soiled suds normal. Hollywood columnist Joyce Haber’s The Customers, which Collins pilfered the primary plot for her Hollywood Wives, was way more real looking
and sleazy. Dominick Dunne wrote page-turners that had been way more juicy and

Did the costumes of “Hollywood Wives” get combined up with these of “Golden Women?”

massive purpose for watching Hollywood Wives
was the garments. At his peak, designer Nolan Miller was hailed as an arbiter of
old-time Hollywood glamour. When Dynasty
got here alongside, he and Joan Collins had a area day with more and more excessive
costumes. It set the type dial of the ‘80s, which was “Glitz is sweet.” Effectively, none
of that has aged effectively. Miller’s glam outfits from that period look extra drag queen
than the actual diva deal. Miller’s sturdy go well with was dressing growing older icons merely,
like Barbara Stanwyck and Elizabeth Taylor, moderately than his gaudy cleaning soap stars.
Practically all of the power-dressing outfits of Hollywood
are laughably ugly: Shoulder pads galore, tassels and beads,
outsized tops and gaudy sequined robes, and a lot extra, extra, extra. As for
the hair kinds, it’s amusing to guess which star, female and male, are carrying
their very own hair, or sporting a wig, weave, or rug!

Nolan Miller’s robe for “Hollywood Wives” appears impressed by a NYC taxi seat cowl!

Laura Branigan’s convulsive
wailing tries to deliver pathos to the on the nostril lyrics of the Hollywood Wives theme. Warning: In the event you
pay attention, you’ll have this Tinseltown tune in your head for days! A mixture of a
cautionary story (the pitfalls of Hollywood!) and fairytale (younger newcomers get
makeovers and film affords by pure likelihood), all of it extremely unbelievable. The
villains are crass and cartoonish: the self-promoting producer, the high-class
pimp, the scheming star, and the sleazy backside feeders.

Here is the ear worm theme track from Hollywood Wives! Have a hair brush helpful so you possibly can sing alongside!

***As few spoilers as potential forward***

will say this: although some solid members are miscast or their abilities had been modest,
everybody tries their finest. The unhealthy writing retains the story from being an actual
present biz expose. That stated, Hollywood
is trashy enjoyable on a cleaning soap opera degree.

Robert Stack will get the ’80s glam look as George Lancaster in “Hollywood Wives.”

Robert Stack performs revered icon George Lancaster, a star who’s contemplating a
popping out of retirement for a sizzling property, Remaining Reunion. No less than they did not identify him Kirk Lancaster! And Steve Forrest performs a former film idol
determined for a comeback—sorry, a return—Ross
Conti. It is typical of this sort of mini-series that B actors turned TV
stars are solid as legendary film stars. Robert Stack is a Kirk/Burt kind of
actor, Steve Forrest is a Tony Curtis kind coronary heart throb whose profession is
affected by hardening of the arteries.

Steve Forrest and Robert Stack admire one another’s “work” in “Hollywood Wives.”

Stack was at all times a
stiff actor and right here, Bob is given the ‘80s makeover, with fluffy, highlighted
hair, and face-lifted mug filled with make-up. He jogs my memory a Madame Tussaud wax
determine, together with his booming voice including to the disembodied impact. Forrest has
extra enjoyable because the growing older matinee idol searching for assurance from everybody, and the
solely self-reflection he seeks comes from his mirror. Steve Forrest is 5
years previous his hunky “Uncle Greg” in Mommie
and nonetheless seems to be fairly good, although he seems to be like he’s had work
accomplished alongside the way in which.

Steve Forrest is amusing as growing older film hunk Ross Conti in “Hollywood Wives.”

Candice Bergen as Elaine Conti, in robes that seem like coverups, “Hollywood Wives.”

Candice Bergen is sympathetic however miscast as Elaine Conti,
longsuffering spouse of growing older star Ross Conti. Bergen is beautiful at 38, sensible, horny,
loving, and many others. Why would her spouse put up with a 60 yr outdated man-baby like
Forrest’s Ross? Additionally, Bergen’s Elaine ought to in all probability be Ross’ second, youthful
spouse, however she’s made to behave like the standard Hollywood first spouse. Bergen, nonetheless trying mannequin trim and exquisite, is
caught carrying some dishevelled, cumbersome monstrosities. And what’s with that mullet in
the primary social gathering scene? In informal put on, Sweet seems to be beautiful and delicate, hardly
the determined Hollywood housewife.

Candice Bergen seems to be like her beautiful youthful self in additional informal moments
of 1985’s “Hollywood Wives.”

Frances Bergen, Candice’s equally beautiful mother, as Pamela Lancaster.

Frances Bergen performs Pamela, George Lancaster’s new spouse.
One have a look at ageless magnificence Frances and also you’ll know the place Candice acquired her damned
elegant attractiveness and hair!

Mary Crosby is a willful Hollywood daughter in 1985’s “Hollywood Wives.”

Mary Crosby as Karen Lancaster, the unhealthy woman who’s actually good deep down,
was fairly good at taking part in sultry vixens. Crosby’s Karen and Stack’s star have
one of the vital icky daughter-father confrontations ever, however hey, it really works for
them! Additionally unlucky are Crosby and Suzanne Somers because the present’s femme
fatales, who’re over-dressed, over-tressed, and over-tarted up.

Suzanne Somers is fictional film intercourse image Gina Germaine, interviewed by
Mary Hart of “Leisure Tonight,” in 1985’s “Hollywood Wives.”

Suzanne Somers is
Gina Germaine, “probably the most stunning, sensuous intercourse image within the United
States in the present day,” proclaims Leisure
interviewer Mary Hart. Even in 1985, that wasn’t true!
Somers is a latter day
Monroe blonde bombshell, who desires to be taken critically, together with her eye on a
function in Remaining Reunion. Somers’ response to Hart looks as if a sly dig at Three’s Firm: “Intercourse symbols are
for tv collection.”

Anthony Hopkins is director Neil Grey, whose sobriety and constancy fails him
underneath stress, in 1985’s “Hollywood Wives.”

“When you haven’t any
style, you are able to do something,” uttered by Anthony Hopkins, his rationalization for slumming right here? Hopkins performs
Neil Grey, the uncompromising director of Remaining
, till Somers’ Gina will get him in some compromising positions!

Stephanie Powers as Montana Grey, screenwriter with integrity, however nonetheless glam,
in 1985’s ABC mini-series “Hollywood Wives.”

Stephanie Powers is screenwriter Montana Grey, Neil’s spouse. Oh,
and the author for Remaining Reunion. Although
her character sneers at Hollywood methods, whose identify feels like a cowboy star, but Montana seems to be like a typical Hollywood diva. Regardless of the artifice, Powers performs
together with her regular no-nonsense type and doesn’t let the “Large ‘80s” look take over
her personal vogue type.

Joanna Cassidy as Marilee Grey, member of the primary wives membership in 1985’s “Hollywood
 Wives.” Cassidy’s a redhead so she will get the shamrock inexperienced robe and Bergen rocks
a blue breast plate. Candice additionally sports activities a Joe Grime mullet right here!

Joanna Cassidy is Marilee Grey, an ex-Hollywood spouse of
director Neil. She’s sensible, pragmatic, and has nice style in boy toys. Cassidy
seems to be pretty right here and feels probably the most genuine of the bunch in Hollywood Wives.

Rod Steiger, who by no means met a rug he did not like, performs Oliver Easterne, blowhard
 film producer, from 1985’s “Hollywood Wives.”

Rod Steiger overplays the self-aggrandizing film producer, Oliver
Easterne—stunned? Oliver gleefully makes use of Remaining
because the proverbial carrot to dangle in entrance of all
events. Steiger’s character is humorously crass and he brays his traces, like
the male Shelley Winters he’s!

Angie Dickinson is no-nonsense expertise agent Sadie LaSalle in “Hollywood Wives.”

Angie Dickinson is Sadie LaSalle, the powerful, prime expertise agent
who holds a grudge towards Ross Conti, when he burned her a long time in the past. Although
Angie is caught in related potato sack costumes as Candice Bergen, her hair and
make-up are far easier than her tawdry Police
days. She seems to be pretty right here at 54.

Roddy McDowall multi-tasks as an inside decorator and pimp, Jason Swandle,
in 1985’s ABC mini-series, “Hollywood Wives.”

Roddy McDowall performs inside decorator AND pimp Jason
Swandle, discovering younger males for lonely women.
Roddy performs him in his regular hammy manner. The facial tics and vacillating between
creepy attraction and passive/aggressive threats made me marvel: Did Roddy and
Anthony Perkins ever star in a film collectively?

Andrew Stevens as Buddy Hudson, getting the Sadie LaSalle build-up in 1985’s
ABC mini-series, “Hollywood Wives.”

Andrew Stevens is Buddy Hudson, an aspiring actor, as soon as a male
prostitute. Stevens is square-jawed and performs the cleaning soap opera scenes with
floor ability. However when his character needs to be taken critically, it’s an eye fixed
roll. Andrew Stevens is cute as button and a square-jawed Ken Doll, however not the
subsequent Al Pacino, as Buddy is described! Sure, he too hopes to get his massive break
in Remaining Reunion. Catherine Mary Stewart as Angel Hudson
was a reasonably icky ‘80s ingénue however she suits proper in Hollywood Wives. She has the nice luck to be found on the
seaside by creeper producer Oliver Easterne, who thinks she’d be good for
Nicki in Remaining Reunion.

Catherine Mary Stewart performs naive Angel Hudson in 1985’s “Hollywood Wives.”

From the opposite aspect of
the showbiz lens is Deke, at house watching a Hollywood gala on TV with most of
these characters. He’s additionally going berserk since he has came upon that he was given
up for adoption from some showbiz bigwig. Apparently an issue youngster, Deke
turns into Mr. Hyde towards his sugary candy adoptive dad and mom. Deke, because the
unhealthy apple twin, is bizarrely performed by Andrew
. Why is he nuts? Why does he seem like Lon Chaney’s The Wolfman?
Why does he limp? Why does he discuss in a gravelly New York Metropolis accent? Why is
his pores and skin chalky white, with brown smudges? Since that is Hollywood Wives, why ask why?! Except for figuring out that he was
adopted, Deke didn’t get Buddy Hudson’s blue eyes, higher hair, and charming

Andrew Stevens additionally performs (awfully) Deke, Buddy Hudson’s secret twin in
1985’s “Hollywood Wives.” Is Lon Chaney, Jr. deranged Deke’s secret father?

Although Deke wreaks
havoc alongside the way in which to Hollywood to take revenge, the inept scenes with this
psycho and victims are unintentionally hilarious. The worst is the primary, with
his adopted dad and mom, who get probably the most pretend beat downs and stabbing deaths ever.

I’m not even going to
attempt to clarify the convoluted plot of Hollywood
, besides that it leaves no showbiz cliché unchecked! Mainly, simply
about everybody concerned, immediately or not directly, desires a bit of Remaining Reunion. Naturally, there isn’t any
synopsis given for this good story—not from the author of Hollywood Wives! The enjoyable is watching the
lengths the characters will go to get a task, for themselves or a partner. There
are much more male bimbos on this film than girls, which displays its meant
viewers, girls and gays. The pool boy, the tennis participant, the waiters, and many others.—select
your taste!

Candice Bergen’s Elaine could be the solely one among “Hollywood Wives” who’s so simply happy by an ungrateful husband with flowers! With Steven Forrest as Ross.

Most of my favourite
moments occur to be probably the most ludicrous. Deranged Deke hitching to Hollywood,
Rod Steiger’s inappropriate producer, and particularly Gina Germaine’s scheming
to get a coveted film function.

“Jane Fonda acquired
severe, why cannot I?” Was Suzanne Somers writing her personal dialogue as Gina
Germaine? Gina desires the function of younger ingénue Nicki in Remaining Reunion. Suzanne’s tawdry bombshell hardly suits the half. Somers
sports activities a shit ton of make-up and probably the most platinum, unruly perm I’ve seen since
Connie Stevens ‘70s Brillo shag! One unkind however correct critic commented that
Suzanne in Hollywood Wives seems to be like
Daryl Hannah in Blade Runner!

You possibly can inform Suzanne Somers is the vixen in 1985’s “Hollywood Wives,” as a result of
she’s seductively brushing her locks as Gina Germaine plots and schemes!

I by no means thought
Suzanne Somers was a magnificence, however her cell options, capped with massive,
childlike blue eyes, jogged my memory a little bit of Goldie Hawn. Even their voices are
related. Suzanne performs the scheming star in a likable vogue. Gina Germaine is
a imaginative and prescient in yellow terrycloth as she lies in wait down Palm Seashore manner,
the place director Neil Grey is there for talks with George Lancaster about Remaining Reunion. Gina is prepared to roll
within the lodge hay for a task on this “severe” movie. Neil has had two stunning
wives, however finds mop-topped Suzanne irresistible. Quickly, stocky, dour Anthony
Hopkins is making sizzling jungle like to Somers’ Gina. It will get higher after they
occur to be on the identical flight house and he or she initiates him into the mile excessive
membership—by the espresso machines—guess the restrooms had been busy! Googly-eyed Suzanne
and owlish Anthony make a comic book couple!

Stephanie Powers as Montana Grey, at hubby Neil’s funeral, in “Hollywood Wives.”
 This will need to have minimize near the bone for Powers, who had simply misplaced
long-time companion William Holden three years prior.

And the guessing sport
of who’re the pure dad and mom of Deke (and Buddy) involves a ridiculous finale.
Although no consideration is given to the path of our bodies that Deke has left throughout
the USA, it made me consider a later actual life celebrity-obsessed psychotic,
Andrew Cunanan, who capped his killing spree with taking pictures Gianni Versace on
his doorstep.

I’m stunned no person
has remade Hollywood Wives, for the reason that
showbiz sport hasn’t modified a bit. The stakes are simply larger and the category
degree of in the present day’s members even decrease. Let’s simply benefit from the soapy, sleazy
‘80s Hollywood Wives!

Steve Forrest as Ross Conti, getting the Sadie LaSalle build-up earlier than he gave her
the brush-off, in 1985’s “Hollywood Wives.”

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